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Re: In Love and in War


I was certain that Werner was going to come to the hotel and not disappoint Adele, but after the first night she spent alone, I was sure she'd get a telegram or something to tell her to meet him elsewhere instead. I didn't doubt they'd meet, yet I wondered if her plans were going to get changed due to some circumstance Werner had no control over.

You'd told me that the meeting wasn't going to be "graphic" or overly romantic, but while there was no sex scene to give a "blow by blow" description about, there was plenty of romance in the way they finally ended up in bed. They were so equally overcome with emotion that there was little to even talk about beyond the apologies and declarations of how desperately they'd missed one another.

I think in the afterglow of their long-awaited reunion, Adele will tell Werner that her SIL knows about them and approves of their match. It shouldn't worry Werner but I think the subject will come up about how utterly discreet they still need to be. I'm really happy to know they have at least a couple more days (and nights!) to be together before their lives apart have to begin again. I do believe however that they will have lighter spirits as they go forward and the end of the war is inevitable, so it may mean a permanent reunion when that happens, without judgmental eyes. Looking forward to that eventuality (or at least the eventuality I hope for).

You phrased something as you wrote about Adele's feelings about leaving or staying in Verdun that I want to ask you about. You wrote: " The problem was that she felt a sentimental attachment to the house. That is where both of her parent’s died, and her grandparents before that. She always thought she might die in that house one day herself." I found it interesting that you only used the word "died" to describe her connection to the Verdun home where she'd lived all her life, but only thought of it as a place where people she loved had died. Maybe it was subliminal and you were trying to convey that Adele felt no sentimental attachment to remain in the house, since she viewed it as a place where people died instead of a place where people lived. It would explain the ease with which she had decided a place in Paris was more suitable for living, since she was so restricted by her marriage to Thomas and the loneliness she endured after he left, and how it would simplify any future she could have with Werner. Anyway, I'd like to know your thought process when you wrote those sentences that way.

I bet the days leading up to Adele's eventual trip to Paris felt never-ending. And even though she loves her brother and family, she was basically marking time until the day when she expected to meet Werner. But I'm happy she told Jeanne how things were with her and what her plans were in Paris after she went to the hotel. I think in the end she is going to be able to live (perhaps in Germany) with Werner. I'm rooting for them to be a couple in the end, and not being parted forever after a few passionate nights in the hotel room.

I happily read this Wednesday evening, after I'd told you I'd read it on Tuesday I simply ran out of steam and went to bed in anticipation of my shopping trip today! Hope you find this first thing before you head to work! XO emoticon
6/21/2018, 5:28 am Link to this post Send Email to Pambi   Send PM to Pambi
 
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Re: In Love and in War


XXV


They woke up the next morning in awe of each other’s presence beside the other. Adele had been the first to wake, and she was content to just look at him as he slept. He looked peaceful; he looked beautiful. Last night had been the most incredible night of her life and it was all thanks to him. If she had ever needed confirmation that her feelings for Thomas did not go well beyond those of the flesh, last night had assured her of that. But Thomas was the furthest thing from her mind this morning.

She reached over and touched his arm, ever so lightly, but he woke as soon as she did it.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

He looked at her and gave her the sweetest tired smile.

“Come here”, he said, opening his arms. She scooted over and she snuggled into him and he wrapped his arms around her. They stayed that way for several minutes, not saying a word.

In those moments she couldn’t imagine life without him now. She couldn’t think of the future because she knew that in a few days he would have to leave and she would be alone again. The thought was unbearable so she forced it out of her mind and concentrated on the fact that he was with her now.

She moved her head so that she was looking up at him.

“This is your first time in Paris, isn’t it?”

She had recalled how he had told her he’d never been to Paris and he had mentioned it as a possible honeymoon destination. The thought of his fiancé did not worry her now, however, not like it had then.

“It is”, he said.
“I’d like to take you around then.”

He seemed to hesitate and she knew why.

“When you’re in your plain clothes, you will look just like a Frenchman.”
“I’m only thinking of you.”
“I know and I’m thinking of you.”
“You sure you want to?”
“Of course I’m sure”, she said, adjusting herself so that she was leaning on one elbow, looking down at him as his head was on the pillow. “We can’t spend all day in bed now can we?”
“Why not?” he asked, a smile on his lips. She smiled in return.
“I mean it. I want to be out in the world like you, like normal couples are allowed to do. I want to walk down the boulevard and hold hands. I want to take you to the Eiffel Tower.”
“What about crepes?”
“Yes, we can eat crepes, and anything else you want to do.”

He stroked her hair with his hand, looking up at her. She admired his blue eyes and saw that he was looking at her with such love that the more she looked, the tears started welling up in her eyes.

“I’ve missed you.”

She closed her eyes, trying to catch the tears, but it was too late. She felt as he pulled her down and she allowed herself to fall into his arms and let herself cry. He held her tightly and she returned the strength with which he held onto her.

“I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.”
“You can cry all you want.”
“But I’m happy to see you”, she said.
“They’re happy tears.”

She felt as he stroked her hair down the length of her back, and kissed the top of her head as she nestled into his neck.

“I love you.”

She had spoken the words for the first time.

“And I love you…it means everything to hear you say that.”
“Does it?” she asked.
“Yes, it does…and now I would like you to show me around Paris. I’ve always wanted to see the city with a beautiful woman on my arm.”

She smiled when he said this and closed her eyes, content to lean her head on his chest for a few moments longer.



The December air was cold but comfortable. Adele and Werner walked down the Place du Trocadéro, looking up at the Eiffel Tower in front of them.

“It’s impressive. You see it in photographs but you don’t expect it to be so big in person.”
“Would you like to go up?”
“Of course.”

They walked along, arm in arm. There was nothing to mark him as a German officer for he wore regular clothes and coat. He didn’t wear a hat but had his coat collar up to keep the cold out. It wasn’t snowing but it felt like it could. Together they looked like a normal French couple and his own French was so good that no one took notice of him when he spoke. She felt proud and happy to be able to be with him in this way and it felt like a long ways from Verdun where they had to be so private and careful.

“Are you afraid of heights?”
“Not especially”, he said.
“Then we shall go right to the top.”

They bought two tickets from the booth and were up in minutes. As it was cold, it wasn’t especially busy. They paid the full price to go to the top and Werner loved the way she was eager to share the experience with him, holding his hand the entire time.

When they reached the top, they got off the elevator and she took him to the viewing area where they could overlook the city. As it was daylight, they had a magnificent view of the entire city.

“This is wonderful”, he said, as they walked around all four corners of the deck, looking around.
“You can see the Arc du Triomphe right there”, she said, pointing in the direction of where it was.
“Oh yes”, he said after his eyes adjusted. “I’ve always wanted to see that. I was a great admirer of Napoleon as a child….it’s an incredible view.”

He put his arm around her shoulder.

“How many times have you been up?” he asked her.
“Just once.”
“How long ago?”
“When my brother moved here. I hadn’t been up before till then. He took me up.”
“I was hoping I was the first person for you to go up with.”
“You’re the first for everything else.”

He smiled but she wanted to express to him how she was feeling so she turned so that they were facing each other.

 “I never knew what love was until last night.”

The expression in his eyes changed when she said this. Something replaced it and she liked the way he looked at her as it made her feel like an innocent young girl. It gave her butterflies.

“I knew long before last night that this was different”, he said to her.
She smiled.
“Me too but last night was very special.”
“It was.”

She tiptoed her way to his lips and kissed him, bringing him close to her. The warmth of his body felt good against hers.

“This is a very romantic spot”, he said to her when they parted.
“That’s because you’re here.”
“And you’re here too.”
“I didn’t know what romance was either until now.”
“I find that hard to believe”, he said to her.
“I mean it. You make me feel like a blank slate.”
“How’s that?”
“Like my past has been erased and doesn’t matter.”

He gave her a serious look when she said this.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. Nothing else but this matters”, he said, leaning down to kiss her on the head. He lingered there and she put her head on his chest.

“Everything’s changed” he continued.
“I know.”
“I still feel we were meant to meet for a reason.”
“Me too.”
“I don’t know what the future holds but I will be here with you if I can.”
“Let’s just concentrate on the here and now”, she said, looking back up at him. “It’s too painful to think of the future.”

He looked down at her sympathetically but she could see the pain in his eyes. She did her best to put on a brave face and she smiled.

“Let’s enjoy tonight…let’s enjoy Paris. Tonight the city belongs to us.”
“Just for one night?”
“Yes…tonight is all that matters.”


After walking down some of the boulevards, they made their way to the Arc du Triomphe because he said he wanted to see it up close. Being a military structure, he was interested in it. He was surprised to see the eternal flame there above the remains of the Unknown Soldier.

“It was lit for the first time in 1923. They have a ceremony here every night at 6 o’clock. We can stay to watch it if you’d like.”
“Yes, I’d like that.”

After walking around some more to pass the time until the ceremony began, she and Werner made their way back to the Arc where the ceremony began. There was a large crowd gathered, as there was every night. Adele and Werner stood arm in arm in respectful silence as the Last Post was played and the prayers were read out before the flame.

She saw as Werner watched and looked very moved by the whole thing. When they walked away afterwards, and the crowd dispersed, she broke the silence.

“That is one way France honours our war dead.”
“Yes, it’s very humbling to watch…in Germany we don’t have ceremonies to commemorate our dead.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not sure. I guess it’s because we lost the war. It’s always been a shameful part of our past.”
“That’s very sad.”

It felt odd to be discussing this with him, seeing as the tide had turned so drastically and the Germans were now in France. It wasn’t something she wanted to think about too much but she allowed him to continue.

“But it’s good that France does this. It is important to remember. We must not forget.”

He paused and said:
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For this war.”
“You didn’t start it”, she said to him.
“No but I’m part of it.”

She tried to lighten the mood by saying:
“I forgive you.”
“Am I being too serious?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll stop then…where are you taking me now?”
“I’m famished, aren’t you?”
“A little.”
“Let’s get something to eat. We’ll need our appetites for later.”
“More sightseeing?”
“Something like that”, she said smiling.



When they got back to the hotel later that night, Adele complained how her feet were sore. He took out the bottle of wine from one of the bags they had with them and put it on some ice. While he did his, she disappeared into the bathroom. He was surprised to hear her running water in the tub and even more so when she called him in.

Still feeling shy, he peaked inside the washroom and saw she was already inside the tub, even though the water hadn’t filled it yet.

“Coming in?”
“I thought I’d give you some privacy.”
“I’d much rather you join me.”
“If you insist.”

When he got in the rub, she saw that he was already erect and trying his best to hide it from her but she laughed.

“Did you enjoy today?”
“Very much so.”
“Did I make a good tour guide?”
“I suppose so.”

She gave him a puzzled look.

“You suppose?”
“I think you have more things to show me”, he said playfully.
“I do and I will.”

He grabbed hold of one of her feet and began to massage it gently. They laid at opposite ends of the tub and enjoyed the feel of the warm water as it soothed their skin.

“Does that feel nice?”
“Yes”, she said, closing her eyes and enjoying the foot rub he was giving her. “You’re very good.”

After a bit he took the other one and did the same, and she relaxed as she felt his hands soothing her tired muscles.

“That’s heavenly.”
“Last night you felt like heaven.”

She opened her eyes and looked at him, a soft smile on her lips. She leaned forward so that she was sitting between his legs, her back against chest. They laid in the water that way and she felt as his hands explored her. He leaned forward a bit so that his hand could caress between her legs and she allowed him to gently caress her. She closed her eyes, feeling herself become impatient for him. The teasing became too much.

“Sit up here”, he told her. She got out of the water and sat on the edge, leaning against the wall of the shower. She watched as he opened her legs and put his head there, replacing his hand with his lips and caressed her with his tongue.

She had never experienced anything so pleasurable before. She had only heard about such things in a mythical book called “Maddening Rapture” but she had never experienced it before. Thomas had never done this to her but she had done it to him. Now she was eager to return the favour and show him what she knew.


Their last day in Paris was spent much as the one before, except they had a much slower pace. She showed him everything he wanted to see and she saw how he was more interested in looking at her than wanting to see anything in particular. They sat in a café in the late afternoon and ate very little but spoke a lot. It was a quiet time for them to spend together.

“Where did you learn to do what you did last night?” she asked him as they sat in a booth, in a quiet part of the café. They sat side by side, his arm around her shoulders.
“It’s not something I learned in school”, he said jokingly and it made her laugh.
“I should hope not…but how did you know about it?”
“I don’t want to say.”
“Why not?”
“It’s kind of embarrassing.”
“Now you have to tell me.”
“You really want to know?” he asked.
“Stop teasing.”
“Alright…I saw my older brother doing it to his girlfriend.”

She looked at him, surprised.

“How old were you?”
“I think 13. It was the first time I saw it. I wasn’t sure what he was doing but when I saw how much fun she seemed to be having, it made me think.”

She saw the way he was kind of blushing when he said this and she liked the confession.

“I’ve only heard about it in books but I’ve never had it done to me before.”
“Well, you’ll be pleased to know you’re the first woman I’ve done that to.”
“You mean – you mean you’ve not done it with Greta?”
“I’ve never been with her. She wanted to wait until we were married.”

Adele looked at him, surprised to hear him say this.

“I feel like a bit of tramp to hear you say that”, she said, a part of her feeling a bit of shame for some unknown reason. Perhaps because it was because she was still legally married.
“Please don’t. I don’t see you that way at all.”
“But you thought she was too innocent to be with in that way.”
“You’re the most innocent, pure woman I’ve ever met. I told you that before and I mean it.”
“I’m hardly innocent and I’m certainly no virgin like your Greta.”
“You were a virgin last night, weren’t you?”

When she looked at him she could see a sweet smile on his face after he said this. He was trying to lighten her mood as it had darkened somewhat, perhaps out of a tinge of jealousy.

“Were there others?”
“A couple, but not like you.”
“What does that mean?” she asked him.
“You’re the woman I love – the only one I’ve ever loved.”

She felt herself soften at his words.

“Why else do you think I’m here? Do you think I came all the way to Paris, travelling five hours by train, to be with a woman I didn’t respect or love?”
“I don’t doubt you.”
“Good…now no more talk about Greta or anyone else. They’re in my past and that’s where they’ll remain. I did that with you last night because you inspired me and I wanted to make you feel good.”

She smiled shyly.

“Besides, I didn’t ask you where you learned your tricks.”
“Tricks?” she asked.
“I don’t know if you do them on purpose but you have tricks of your own.”
“I guess you inspire me as well”, she said playfully.

He was holding her hand in his and brought it up to his mouth. She watched as he kissed it and she felt the coming of the night, and the inevitable parting that would take place tomorrow. She wanted to make the most of the time they had left and so she asked to finish their drinks so that they could go back to the room. He gladly obliged.



That night found them in each other’s arms once again. They had explored each other for most of the night and were enjoying the moments together. Their hearts were calmer but heavier as this was their last night together.

“What will you do?” he asked her.
“Go back to Verdun.”
“No, I mean do you plan to live in Paris?”
“You’re talking about the future again and I don’t know what it holds”, she said.
“I want you to know that God willing, I will come back to you when it’s all over. I want to marry you.”
“But I’m –“, she went to say something but he cut her off.
“You’re mine, not his. You belong to me now.”

She kissed him on the lips.

“Have you claimed me then?”
“Yes”, he said confidently.
“I surrender willingly.”

A serious look came into his eyes.

“I mean it. I want to marry you some day.”
“Is that a proposal?”
“No. I intend to ask you properly when the time is right – for both of us.”

She laid on her stomach, propped up by her arms. She knew what he meant by the timing being right so she told him about the letter she had just left with her brother to deliver to Thomas.

“I told you how my brother was in communication with Thomas?”
“Yes.”
“I left a letter with him a few days ago. I asked Thomas for a divorce. My brother has offered to help with it.”
“How does it feel to take that step?” he asked, curious as to what she felt about it.
“It feels like a weight being lifted off me.”
“I’m surprised you wanted this long…you know you have every right to one. He’s been gone for some time.”
“I guess I have the courage to do it now.”

He touched her face and ran his hand through her hair.

“Is there anything I can do?” he asked.
“Come back to me.”
“You know I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I promise that if I can, I will...but Adele, if something does happen to me –“
“Don’t say that.”
“You know it’s a possibility….so I just want to say that regardless of what happens, I want you to live life to the fullest.”

She didn’t like to think of that and she just smiled, making the promise.

“Do you think that you’ll get more leave soon?”
“Likely not until the summer, but we can arrange something then. Perhaps we can meet back here.”
“I’d like that”, she said. “I’m just not sure I can wait so long.”
“We just have to be patient.”
“After the last few days I don’t know if I can be.”
“All good things come to those who wait”, he said, smiling. He had a very calm way of reassuring her that helped her to feel better.

Their parting was done on the platform at the train station. He was taking the train back to Germany and she was going to Verdun. The fact that he did not wear his uniform allowed them to act as normal and to be able to say goodbye properly.

They parted with no tears but with heavy hearts. She put on a strong face for him but once the train left, she had to sit down. She wondered if that would be the last time she’d ever see him. As much as she wanted to believe his optimism that the war would one day come to an end, she still felt that the odds were against them.

She had fought against thinking too much about the future but now she knew it was all she would think about. As tomorrow was NYE, she wondered what the next year would bring.

The hands of time were about to turn the page on 1943 and soon it would be 1944.


6/24/2018, 7:14 pm Link to this post Send Email to OrlilLicious   Send PM to OrlilLicious
 
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Re: In Love and in War


This was a very romantic chapter. Both Adele and Werner got exactly what they'd been denying themselves and one another in those few hours they were able to act like any other normal couple in love, wanting not only to share their bodies but their experiences outside the bedroom (and bathroom! SEXY! lol).

It's always romantic to see how someone is totally absorbed by their lover, as Adele was the morning after their first time together. She wanted to drink in the visage of Werner sleeping beside her but couldn't resist touching him, causing him to wake and respond with a loving embrace. I think it was also very romantic that they walked everywhere afterward to the places Werner wanted to go and places Adele felt would be special to both of them.

The lovemaking in the bathroom was also quite romantic and very sensuous. I had to smile when Werner confessed how he knew what to do to please Adele. It was obvious she was well pleased and endeavored to return the favor, lol. They are very much compatible with one another in matters of sex and pleasure.

Too soon they had to part, but it seemed as if they left one another with promises of a future together. He would return as soon as he was able, and she would be divorced if her request was granted by Thomas (facilitated by her brother). I'm looking forward to their next rendezvous.

Sorry I was late with this, but I wanted to give it its full due and not try to reply when I was so dog tired last night. I'm excited to read the next chapter. emoticon
6/26/2018, 2:52 am Link to this post Send Email to Pambi   Send PM to Pambi
 
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Re: In Love and in War


XXV


There was no way for Adele or Werner to know that when they parted that day in Paris, at the end of 1943, that the year ahead would be as tumultuous as it was going to be. The events that were to unfold were of course unknown to all and the two lovers would have never been able to predict that the events of the war were going to challenge their relationship and lives.

The year began quietly enough. Adele tackled life with a new sense of vigor. Seeing Werner had given her hope that they would stay in contact and see each other again, perhaps during the summer. Of course at the back of her mind was the nagging worry that communication might be sparse and things might not work out exactly as planned, but she had the one consolation of knowing that he wasn’t in any direct danger in terms of being on the front lines.

Their time in Paris had left Adele more deeply in love than she ever thought possible. While she longed for him, especially during the lonely nights, his hands and lips had somehow lingered on her body and it was enough to sustain her. He was everything to her now.

The letters came steadily enough, though the lapse in time from when he sent them and when they were received was becoming longer and longer as the weeks and months went by. She kept herself busy with her piano lessons and she also decided she would start designing clothes as her brother felt she was good enough to go beyond the seamstress work. It gave her confidence to be able to work with her hands and keep her mind occupied in that way. When she wasn’t working on the clothes and her lessons, she was content to be at the house with the dogs. She decided to keep the puppy that was now a full sized dog, but she still called her a puppy. She had taken photos of them to send to Werner as he was anxious to see how “their dog” was doing.

Her brother kept a watchful eye on her, albeit from a distance. He visited her in February to let her know that he had not heard back from Thomas about the divorce and that he would do all he could to find him and be in touch when he heard something. She didn’t have the heart to tell her brother the truth: that she didn’t care whether or not Thomas would agree to the divorce as she intended to go ahead with it anyway. As Werner had told her, she had every right to ask for one as it had been over two years since her husband had left her: for all intents and purposes, she was a deserted wife.

As the seasons changed and winter turned into spring, Adele was anxious for the summer to arrive as the summer would mean a possible reunion with Werner in Paris. But his letters were become more and more sparse, and while she did not sit by the mailbox and wait, the thought of a letter was always in the back of her mind. She kept up the correspondence with him, as he requested her to write often, but she was noticing more and more the sporadic nature of the letters. There was once or twice where he never received her letters and she blamed it on the war.

When spring turned to summer, her brother became very anxious for her to go on with her plans of moving to Paris. In his mind he thought she would move that summer, and while it was her future intention to do it, she didn’t feel quite ready to leave the house.



It was in the late spring when her brother made another visit; this time a surprise. It was just after Easter and Adele was in the town, doing her weekly shop, when she saw a familiar figure walking towards a car. It was her brother and she walked over with her bike.

“What are you doing here?” she asked now that he was in the car. He looked out the window and when he saw her, so he got out.
“Adele, sorry if I startled you.”
“I didn’t know you were coming.”
“No, I didn’t want to alarm you.”

She looked at him, a puzzled look on her face.

“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing…let’s get back to the house.”
“My bike”, she said as he had motioned for her to get in the car. As there was nowhere to put it, she told him she would meet him there afterwards as she would have to bike it.

When she got back to the house she saw her brother’s car there and went inside. She was curious what he meant when he said he didn’t to alarm her for hearing that did make her alarmed.

When she went inside the house he was in the parlour room, standing by the piano. She wondered why he looked so anxious.

“I tried to call but it was difficult to get hold of you. Didn’t you get my message at the telephone office?”
“No, I’ve not been there all week.”

He came over to her and asked her to sit down. She then thought that he must have some news to tell her about Thomas, likely about the divorce, but she wasn’t expecting what he said to her.

“Thomas is missing.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve tried all my contacts but no one has heard or seen him in months.”
“Where was he?”

While Edmund had told her about Thomas personally the last time she was in Paris at Christmas, he never gave away too much information; then again she never asked.

“Beauzelle, just outside Toulouse.”
“That’s rather far.”
“That’s where he was but no one seems to know where he is now.”

Adele paused as she thought about it, and seeing as her brother looked concerned, she tried to reassure him:

“You’ve done everything you can do. I will just have to pursue the divorce anyway.”
“I guess you could do that, but let’s just wait.”
“I’m done with waiting. What’s there to wait for?”
“You might not have to go through the process at all.”

He said this last sentence in such a way that Adele knew he was trying to tell her something.

“Why do you say that?” she questioned him.
“I came all this way because I think you ought to know the truth….that I think he may be dead.”

Adele looked at her brother and wondered why he was saying this.

“Have you heard something?” she asked, feeling a bit confused.
“Not officially.”
“But you think there’s a strong possibility?”
“Yes, I do”, he said, not mincing his words.

Adele all of a sudden felt the need to sit down, so she did. Her brother waited a few moments and then went to sit with her.

“I’m not sure what to say”, he said to her.
“You don’t have to say anything else. If he’s dead –“

Adele suddenly felt a wave of emotions come over her and she felt tears welling up in her eyes the more she thought that it might be true.

“I never wanted anything to happen to him. I was angry with him and felt betrayed, but I didn’t wish any harm on him.”

Edmund watched as she got up from the sofa and walked over to the window. She seemed a bit restless and he could see that she was visibly upset by what he had told her. While he did not have proof, he thought he ought to tell her – in person.

“Oh God I’ll probably never know, will I?” she asked, turning to look at Edmund who remained on the sofa. He stood.
“Probably not…but I will try my best to find out all that I can.”
“Yes, please do…I’d like to know.”

Edmund came closer to her.

“I know that despite everything, you must still feel something for him.”
“Of course I feel something, but strangely enough it’s more pity than anything else.”

Edmund put his hand on her arm as she stood at the window with her arms crossed. She felt a sense of shock but slightly numb by the thought that Thomas could be dead.

“You must think how cold I am.”
“No”, he said. “I can see you’re upset.”
“But not as upset as I should be.”
“I get the impression that Thomas has been dead to you for a long time.”
“Don’t say that”, Adele said, the tears falling from her eyes. “Yes I stopped caring for him after a while, especially after I knew he was with someone else, but I never wanted anything bad to happen to him. I don’t think he deserved that.”
“I don’t believe he did either. I admire him for wanting to fight.”

Adele wiped the tears from her eyes, and tried to calm her inner emotions.

“How long are you planning to stay?” she asked him.
“As long as you need me, or however long it takes to convince you to come back to Paris with me.”
“I’m not ready for that yet, but I don’t want you staying here longer than necessary. You have Jeanne and Chloe to think about.”
“Jeanne knows why I’m here.”
“I can take care of myself. I’ll be fine.”
“Well I’m staying for a few days at least.”



Later that evening, the moment of truth came when Edmund got his luggage from the car and brought it in the house. They had just finished a light supper and he was bringing up his suitcase to his old room, when Adele realized where he was going and went up to stop him. It was too late.

He was standing in his old room, the one that Werner had occupied and that she now used, looking at the photo of the two of them that she kept by the bed. It had been taken in Paris by someone who had been in the café, and she had framed it as a momento of their time together.

Edmund’s back was facing her so she could not see his expression, but he was paused with the photo in his hand. She stood there frozen, not sure what to say. She was hoping he had not seen it.

“I was hoping you’d sleep in our parent’s old room.”
“I forgot – this one was occupied. A German was in my room.”

Adele felt her insides freeze up by the cold tone in her brother’s voice.

“The one that’s in this photo with you.”

He turned to look at her. He did not tell her but he was surprised to see such a defiant look on her face, as if she was ready for whatever it was he would throw at her.

“What the hell is this?”
“I think the picture says it all.”

She watched as Edmund looked back down at it, seeing as the two of them were clearly a couple, smiling happily as they sat at a table in the café, his arm around her shoulder. She loved the photo of them and was very proud of it, not ashamed in the least. However, she didn’t want to upset her brother and never expected him to find out like this.

“Is this some sort of joke?”

She walked in the room and took the picture from his hands.

“Do you mean that German officer I met at the house last summer - do you mean to tell me that you’ve been sleeping with him?”
“I don’t need to answer that question.”
“That means that you have been screwing him.”
“That’s an awfully crude thing to say to your sister, and rich coming from you.”
“never screwed around with a German officer.”
“I’m not screwing around.”
“And you were upset with Thomas? My God, what would he think?”
“You don’t know anything about it. You have no right to talk to me this way.”
“Adele, you’re my sister! The thought of you with that German in this house makes my skin crawl.”
“First of all, I never did anything in this house with him.”
“How can I believe that?”
“This is the house my mother and father died in. Do you think I could be so callous as to do that?”
“I don’t know what to think after seeing that”, he said, pointing to the photograph that was in her hand. Adele looked down at it and felt tears in her throat but she held them back.

“Where is he?” Edmund asked.
“He’s gone.”
“Got what he wanted and then left.”
“You know nothing about it. He’s not like that.”
“You expect me to believe that he was alone in this house with you for all those months and he never wanted to have sex with you?”
“Who would have thought it possible for some men to control their instincts”, Adele said, this time the coldness coming from her. It was an insult to her brother and he took it as one but she could see he was trying to control his anger.

He walked to another part of the room.

“So when was that photo taken? Surely not here in Verdun.”
“In Paris - last December.”

Edmund let out a sarcastic laugh.

“Of course! I should have known.”
“Why are you acting this way?”
“I don’t know”, he said, throwing his hands up in the air momentarily out of frustration at his sister who seemed to be very calm – too calm. “Maybe it’s because my baby sister is sleeping with a German.”
“I told you that it’s not like that.”
“What is it like then? Are you going to tell me you love him?”
“We love each other”, she said.
“Right, I get it…” he said, clearly not getting it. She knew there was no point in trying to reason with him. The only weapon she had was the truth.

“You can think whatever you want about me but I do love him. I love him more than I’ve ever loved any man, and that includes Thomas.”
“Your husband, you mean.”
Thomas”, she repeated.

Edmund was on the verge of saying some hurtful things to his sister, things that involved Thomas. He found he couldn’t stop himself, even though he wanted to.

“I guess you’re glad that he’s probably dead then. It allows you to move on freely.”

This hurt Adele and she didn’t conceal her feelings any longer.

“I moved on long before I knew any of this, and long before I knew he wasn’t coming back. If that makes me a whore in your eyes so be it, but I think I’ll take your opinion with a grain of salt, seeing as it’s coming from someone who has no right to judge others based on his own actions in life.”
“You used to judge me for all of that”, he said defensively, “and all along you were doing this…my God, what would our parents think?”

When her brother said this, she felt herself begin to cry. She hated him throwing that in her face and she felt anger rising in her.

“I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“You know that they’ll do you like they did Chloe, right? If people find out about this then you’re no longer safe. I can’t help you if that happens.”
“No one is asking for your help.”
“Have you thought of your safety? Have you thought of the house?”
“That’s why he’s gone.”

Edmund walked over to the window and opened it, letting in some fresh air. He looked like a caged animal – a familiar sight to her. She took the moment to wipe the tears from her face as she didn’t want her brother to see her so weak. His words had hurt but she was determined not to let them wound her.

“I remember the story about how he helped you when you were ill. How you and Jeanne – my own wife – sung his praises.”
“Jeanne knows nothing about this.”
“I spoke to him outside and actually thanked him. How stupid that seems now.”

Adele did not respond.

“Now I see why you wanted the divorce so quickly.”

Now it was her turn to get angry but she did not raise her voice as she spoke.

“I waited for Thomas to come back. I prayed for letters from him. All I got was silence for months on end…I gave up on him long before that German moved into this house so don’t you dare say he had anything to do with this decision. I would have wanted a divorce regardless.”
“It’s wrong”, her brother said.
“And you’re one to tell me what is right? I don’t think so…like I said, you don’t know anything about it and I doubt you’re level headed enough to listen.”

Edmund walked over to where he had put the suitcase.

“You’re right, I’m not…and I certainly don’t want to stay here tonight.”

He picked up his suitcase and looked at her.

“Goodbye then”, Adele said, and watched as he left without saying a word.

She watched as yet another man walked out of her life and realized that this time, just like all the other times, she did not try to stop them.



Last edited by OrlilLicious, 6/28/2018, 4:12 pm
6/28/2018, 4:11 pm Link to this post Send Email to OrlilLicious   Send PM to OrlilLicious
 
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Re: In Love and in War


It was inevitable that Edmund would find out about Adele and Werner, but unfortunate that he found out in a way that blindsided him. Before that, I actually think Edmund wanted Adele to move on and leave her marriage and memories of Thomas behind; however now that he's confronted with the truth as evidenced by the prominently displayed photo of the new couple in his old room, he's faced with many emotions--among them the fact that Adele had slept with someone besides her husband while still legally married. Not only that, but a German officer who had occupied the room where he and Adele were having their confrontation. Something tells me he had Adele on a pedestal somewhat. Now that his sister (who always did the right thing regardless of how it would affect her) had followed her heart instead of her head with Werner, Edmund felt betrayed. He (cruelly, though not deliberately) provoked her by stating he felt she would have disappointed their parents had they been alive to learn of her "betrayal". It was good that Adele held her ground by pointing out that Edmund had no room to talk where infidelity was concerned.

Adele kept calm throughout their tense conversation but she did feel as if Edmund somehow thought less of her now, even though it was very possible that she had committed no sin (other than "consorting with the enemy")since Thomas could be dead. They are the only family each of them has outside Edmund's wife Jeanne and their baby, so I hope soon they will mend fences when cooler heads prevail. I also think Edmund will go home and confront Jeanne with the news, but that his wife will set him straight about fidelity and the accusations he threw at his sister. I do think Edmund's caution is valid about the townspeople possibly turning on her if word were to get out about Werner and her, and I've wondered if there have been prying eyes who have noticed frequent stops at Adele's mailbox by Werner's emissary. It could be dangerous times with the tide of the war turning.

Those letters are a lifeline for Adele right now. She clings to the hope of a reunion with Werner, so as time passes it may become apparent that circumstances could prevent their getting together in the way she wishes. I'm sure as soon as possible, a meeting will happen, though not as they want, perhaps in desperation in light of what will happen in the summer of '44.

Good job. I liked it very much, though Edmund and Adele are at odds and both are sticking stubbornly to their sense of what's right. They are family and I believe there will be a reconciliation. Looking forward to the next installment! emoticon
6/29/2018, 10:09 pm Link to this post Send Email to Pambi   Send PM to Pambi
 
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Re: In Love and in War


XXVI

Adele heard the news about the invasion while she was in town. She was in the bakery when she overheard people talking about it. Her first reaction was happiness, but then it was soon replaced with an acute sense of guilt.

“Have you heard?” someone asked her and she turned to see her cousin Sarah standing there.
“Yes, I just did.”
“I wonder what’s going to happen.”
“I don’t know”, Adele said.

She looked around to see the happiness on people’s faces as they walked out of the shop, though noticed how it was veiled, due to the obvious German presence in the town.

“Do you think it’ll be successful?”
“The invasion? Not sure.”
“Don’t you mean liberation?” Sarah asked her. “You know what this could mean.”
“Yes”, Adele said but her mind was clearly elsewhere.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m worried, that’s all.”
“We all are.”


Adele went home and put her groceries away. She turned on the radio but there were very few stations now as the Germans had taken over the radio station. She tried not to think too much about it but she did wonder what it all meant.

Her thoughts turned to Werner and she felt as though her heart would burst. She went upstairs and went into the drawer of letters that she kept of his. She reached in for the one she was looking for and opened it.

It was her favourite letter from him because he had sent her a poem that he told her summed up how he was feeling and the hope that he had to meet her again. It was a poem by Siegfried Sassoon:


Sleepless I listen to the surge and drone
And drifting roar of the town’s undertone;
Till through quiet falling rain I hear the bells
Tolling and chiming their brief tune that tells
Day’s midnight end. And from the day that’s over
No flashes of delight I can recover;
But only dreary streets, and faces
Of people moving in loud clanging places:
And I in my loneliness, longing for you...

For all I did to-day, and all I’ll do
To-morrow, in this city of intense
Arteried activities that throb and strive,
Is but a beating down of that suspense
Which holds me from your arms.
I am alive
Only that I may find you at the end
Of these slow-striking hours I toil to spend,
Putting each one behind me, knowing but this—
That all my days are turning toward your kiss;
That all expectancy awaits the deep
Consoling passion of your eyes, that keep
Their radiance for my coming, and their peace
For when I find in you my love’s release.



How many times had she read this poem? She felt as if she could recite it from memory now. She knew she would read it countless more times as it gave her hope.



Hope was something she would need in the weeks and months ahead as Werner’s letters stopped coming by the autumn months. She didn’t panic as she expected as much, now that the Germans were clearly in defensive mode. Adele held her breath for the inevitable as the Germans were likely going to put up a fight before they left entirely. The underground Resistance fighters started to make their appearance in the town more and more now that the Allies were advancing further and further into France.


In late August Paris was once again in French hands as the Allies forced the Germans out. She had no way of contacting Jeanne or her brother by phone as the lines of communication had been severed by the Germans. It was just as well as she had not spoken to her brother since April. She had started to write him a letter of explanation but then gave up half way through, knowing that it was futile to try to change his mind. Part of her didn’t blame her brother for feeling the way he did about her relationship with Werner, but part of her was sad to have lost him in her life.

Sarah was the only family she had now and she was grateful for her cousin’s friendship during these difficult months. While things remained unspoken, she got the sense that her cousin was giving her privacy and never asked too many questions. She wondered if Sarah knew about Werner and that’s why she was very careful about the topic, but then Adele thought it was perhaps due to the situation with Thomas.

In the meantime she had learned some news about him in a letter Jeanne had secretly sent to her, informing her that her brother was still really upset but not as angry about the news he had discovered about her relationship with Werner. She also told her that apparently Thomas had fathered a child with the other woman in Toulouse. This news hit home a little too much and she really felt herself become upset to read this. It almost made her physically sick. To learn this, on top of everything she was going through, nearly brought her over the edge.

The day she received that letter was the day she decided she was going to sell the house. Once the inevitable happened – the German retreat out of the town – she too would leave. Though she was no longer sure she would move to Paris, she knew she had to go somewhere. The house held too many memories for her now and instead of being a haven, was turning into a prison.



Time and the coming of the winter months helped to numb her pain, thereby helping to ease it. The child that Thomas had fathered was now no longer at the forefront, but rather her concern over Werner’s well-being became the new source of worry. There had been no new letter for nearly four months and the hope she once had was beginning to fade.

When December came most of her hope was extinguished and she went into a period of mourning. The complete retreat of the Germans from Verdun was made just days before Christmas. There had been lots of fighting around the area and Adele found she was in the house most of the time to avoid it. The dogs were her only company and she did her best to calm them during the days and nights when gunfire and explosions could be heard. The Germans didn’t go without a fight but they eventually did go.

The day of December 19th the Church bells rang out loud and clear across the region. She did not know it but Verdun had been one of the last holdouts for the Germans before they were completely excised from France.

Christmas was a joyous occasion and even Adele could feel a sense of relief that life could return to normal. She spent the Christmas season alone, choosing not to be with Sarah and Raymond, saying she was ill. She celebrated quietly at home and was content to be alone.


Although her quiet solitude was about to be interrupted when two days after Christmas she heard the dogs growling outside in the garden. When they started to bark, she went out to see what the commotion was. She was stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Thomas standing at the gate, having been stopped by the dogs from entering the garden. At first he did not see her but she saw him and must have turned pale because she felt the blood drain from her face.

Thomas finally looked and saw her and a sad smile came over his lips when their eyes met. There was this cold pause between them, and while she could see in his eyes that he was happy to see her, she could not feel anything but a cold pain when she looked at him.

“Hello Adele”, he said to her, the first time she had heard his voice in over three years. “Can I come in?”

The dogs continued to growl so he did not dare enter, until she called them off, though somewhat reluctantly. They retreated inside the house and they both continued to stand there, neither of them moving.

“Since when did you have dogs?”
“Recently.”
“For protection?”
“They’re not guard dogs. They’re usually quite cordial. I have them around because I want them around.”

The tone of her voice made him look at her strangely, but he could hardly press her further as he could clearly see a wounded animal in front of him. And, just like a wounded animal, she was prone to lash out at him if he went too close.

He came through the gate cautiously but kept his distance.

“I want to explain things to you if you’ll let me.”
“I think I know everything already. You should have saved yourself the trip.”
“I’ve been in and around Verdun for nearly a month now.”
“And you waited so long to come say hello?” she said, the obvious sarcasm in her voice.

He paused as he heard her speak, never having heard her in this way before. She could see that he was being cautious but that he wanted to come closer but she would not let him.

“Can we go inside? It’s rather cold, don’t you think?” he asked her.
“I hadn’t noticed.”

She did not want to go inside with him for fear that somehow her defences would come down. However, she walked inside the house and told the dogs to go in the parlour, which they did. They were clearly unnerved by his presence, as was she.

“Things seem different”, he observed as he walked in the kitchen.
“Three years is a long time.”
 “How things have changed. How you’ve changed.”
“Did you expect everything to remain frozen in time? Did you expect me to be holding my breath for you to come back?”
“No, but I didn’t expect this.”

She gave him such an ice cold stare that it unnerved him and she could see that.

“Alright, maybe I did. I know my letters were rather short.”
“When you felt like writing”, she said.
“Still – I didn’t think it would be like this. I thought some part of you would be glad to see me.”
“I’m glad to see you’re not dead.”

She stood by the mantle of the fireplace, her arms crossed. He was leaning on the kitchen counter and she noted how thin he looked and wondered at the kind of life he must have been leading. Then she remembered what Jeanne had told her and she no longer felt as much concern or pity for the way he looked. Though when he looked at her there was this pained expression on his face and she had to look away.

“You know I had to leave for your protection.”
“That’s what you said.”
“If I didn’t, you would have been a target. Anyone connected to the resistance fighters are punished if caught. The Nazis have been slaughtering French families in the streets. I didn’t want that for you.”
“What about what I wanted?”
“I wanted you safe.”
“If you had asked me in 1940 what I wanted, I would have said I wanted my husband.”
“You seemed to understand then. You didn’t try to stop me.”
“I had no choice…and I didn’t want to force you…you would have resented me for it.”
“And now you clearly resent me for leaving.”
“I did, but not anymore.”
“What’s changed?”
I’ve changed.”
“Yes, I can see that.”

She found the need to sit down and so she did. She sat on a chair at the table and decided if she was going to ask him her questions, she had to do so now. This may be her only chance.

“You know that Simon is dead?”
“I heard”, he said, coming forward a bit. She motioned for him to have a seat and he did, but across from her.
“He seemed to know things about you”, she said.
“It was only a few letters back and forth.”
“Did he tell you there was a German officer living here?”
“Yes.”

Adele studied Thomas’ face to see if she could read anything on it as she mentioned Werner. The only look he seemed to give was remorse.

“I’m sorry for that”, he said. “I should have been here to protect you.”

When he said this, she knew it wasn’t likely that Simon had said anything about suspicions he may have had over Werner. It was likely that no one had their suspicions after all and this made her feel an internal relief. It wasn’t that she was ashamed of her feelings for Werner but that she didn’t know how she would defend herself now.
“Why didn’t you come back then, when he was here?”
“I’m sorry”, was all he could say.
“Why now?”
“I know it’s too late –“
“You’re damn right it’s too late”, she said, anger in her voice now to match the cold expression on her face. Oddly though, it felt good to be able to say the words to him.
“Adele –“
“No, there’s nothing you can say...but I’d like to know why you’re here. Why now?”
“I was involved in the fighting here in Verdun. I wanted to be here to help.”
“That was very brave of you…just as it was to abandon your wife to be with another woman.”
“It wasn’t like that”, he said quietly.
“And father a child.”

He looked surprised to hear her say that. He looked up at her and this look came over his face that hit her in the pit of her stomach. She felt herself becoming emotional but she kept her calm.

“Your brother has good spies.”
“He was concerned for me.”
“I know. I shouldn’t have said that. It was insensitive.”
“You being here is insensitive.”
“How can you say that?”
“How can you think otherwise?” she asked. “You’ve been gone over three years and started another life with someone else, then come back when the Germans leave like you’re some kind of hero.”
“I came back for you…to start again.”

She laughed when she heard him say this, but not in a good way. She was shocked.

“And you think that’s possible?”
“I thought there was a chance.”
“I can’t believe this”, she said, getting up from the chair. He saw that she was clearly upset by this.
“I’ve made mistakes but I still care.”
“It’s too late.”
“Not if you want me back.”
“Thomas, you left me for three years. You went with another woman. You had a child.”
“I left her because he’s not mine.”

Hearing him say this really made her blood boil.

“So now you come crawling back to me, as if I would want you after that?”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you like this”, he said.
“You put a knife through my heart long before I knew any of this, but I got over it.”

At this point Thomas stood up, looking as if he wanted to come over to her as her voice had failed to conceal her feelings.

“Do you want to know why it was so easy for me to leave?”
“Why?” she asked coldly.
“Because I knew you didn’t love me.”

She looked at him, shocked.

“How dare you say that to me? How dare you put the blame of all of this on me?”
“I’m only telling the truth…I always felt there was something holding you back.”
“That’s funny because I felt the same way about you.”
“I remember the night before our wedding how you wanted to call it off”, he said to her. She closed her eyes and remembered that night. She felt as tears fell from her eyes but she did not try to stop them.
“I was nervous.”
“I can understand nerves but to want to call off the whole thing?”
“Then why did you marry me if you thought I didn’t love you?” she asked him defensively.
“Because I was hoping you could love me.”

When he said this, she started to cry even more. She didn’t expect this and she didn’t stop him when he came near her to comfort her.

“Out of all the girls in Verdun, you were the only one that didn’t really want me.”
“So you married me for what exactly? To say you could get the one fish that wouldn’t bite?” she asked between the tears. He was standing in front of her now and she could see the sadness in his own eyes.
“I married you for the same reason you married me…we both wanted something we thought we couldn’t have.”

She tried to turn away but he caught her in his arms. As much as she wanted to fight him, she did not. She rested her head on his chest and cried there, though she did not embrace him the same way he did her. She held her hands up to her face and would not allow them to go around him.

She knew in those moments that what he was saying was true. She had led herself to believe that it was a one-sided betrayal but the fact of the matter was that she didn’t love him either and that the whole thing had been a big mistake. She was 23 years old and he was 25. How were children supposed to know better?



That night both Adele and Thomas did a lot of soul searching. Now that it was all out in the open, it was the aftermath of the revelation – that neither of them had married for love and that it should have never even happened – that was the most difficult.

While she wondered how much Thomas might know about her situation, she realized it was likely he knew nothing. There was a small part of her that thought about her brother and if he may have said anything, but then she remembered that Edmund had not been able to contact Thomas for many months, thus presuming he was dead.

That night Thomas explained everything to her.

“I don’t know if I loved her, but she seemed to love me. It felt good to be wanted in that way again…and when I found out she was with someone else, I just left. I thought the child was mine. It was too hurtful.”

Adele looked at him and could see the pain in his eyes when he spoke about the other woman. After the crying and the heartache of a few hours ago, it was the strangest thing: they were sitting there like friends, talking. While it felt odd, it didn’t feel wrong.

“So I left without a trace and I guess that’s when your brother presumed I was dead. I wanted to disappear. It’s safer that way.”
“For what it’s worth, I’m glad that you’re alive”, she said. Thomas looked at her and realized these were the first kind words she had spoken to him. He smiled sadly at her.

“I’m sorry to talk about this. I’m not trying to sugar coat what I did. I’m just telling you the truth.”
“Yes, I see that…perhaps the truth is long overdue.”

Thomas then did something she did not expect. He reached over the table and held her hand. He did it cautiously, eyeing her face to see her reaction, but she did not pull away.

“I want you to know that I never meant for all of that to happen.”
“But it did”, she said, thinking of her own situation with Werner.
“Yes, and I can’t take it back...I really did think that if I came back, we could somehow try it again.”
“We can’t.”
 “Oh Adele, why didn’t I marry Sophie or Clemence? Then I wouldn’t feel as I do now.”
“How do you feel?”
“Regretful – for not trying hard enough. I never tried to get to know you, did I?”
“No.”
“Do you still play?”
“I’ve not played for some time.”
“I’d like to hear you.”

She smiled sadly when she said:
“It’s too late.”
“You’ve said that a lot tonight. Why do you keep saying that?”

She paused, looking down at her hands. She watched as he took his hand away and folded his in front of him on the table.

“There’s someone else, isn’t there?”
“Yes.”
“Where is he?”
“He isn’t here.”
“How long?”
“A year ago.”

Thomas paused and she could see he looked hurt, though he tried to be civil.

“Who?”
“No one you know.”
“I know everyone in Verdun, or mostly.”
“He’s not from Verdun.”
“What’s his name?”
“I never asked you her name…let’s not get childish.”

He paused, giving in.

“You said I’ve changed but so have you”, she commented.
“Perhaps the time away from one another has changed us both.”

She got up from the table to get a drink of water.
“Would you like to stay tonight?”
“No, I have somewhere I’m staying. My things are there.”
“Do you plan to stay in Verdun?”
“No…not anymore”, he added softly.

She watched as he got up from the table.
“I will sign the divorce papers, if that’s what you want.”
“Yes, it is.”

He walked up to her and she watched as he put his hand up to her face. She could see the old Thomas again and felt her resolve weakening by his look.

“Please don’t”, she said.
“I don’t mean to.”
“Then stop.”
“May I at least kiss you before I leave?”

She felt tears in her eyes. She didn’t want him to kiss her but she let him, and when he did it was a beautiful, soft embrace of their mouths. She returned the kiss and felt very emotional as she knew that this would be the last time.

Not long after the goodbye kiss, Thomas signed the papers that she had and then walked out of her life for the second time. As was the case the first time, over three years ago, she did not try to stop him and allowed him to go, except this time she knew with certainly that he would never be coming back.



Last edited by OrlilLicious, 7/1/2018, 4:31 pm
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Re: In Love and in War


Very unexpected and very suspenseful! Even though the war has Germany on the defensive, things aren't normal in France. There is still occupation and still suspicion among the citizens of Verdun, but Adele is beyond what anyone thinks of her and plans to move. I wasn't expecting her to want to move on and give up her family's home, but it does seem she no longer feels the desire to remain where only painful memories reside.

That said, she was not prepared for Thomas's return. Neither was I! I don't think I was any more sympathetic to his appearance than Adele was, and while they did manage to talk civilly, time and lack of attention to their marriage on Thomas' part had taken its toll. It was best for both of them that Thomas signed the divorce papers and went on his way. Adele was done with him, though I'm sure she was glad he wasn't dead, he was in much the same way no longer a factor in her life. With this part of her life finished, she can go forward and try to figure out a way to be happy with Werner on their terms.

I hope the lack of communication between Werner and Adele is because the war has made mail delivery difficult if not impossible. I see her future in Paris, despite the rift (for now) between Edmund and herself. I look forward to any news Adele gets from Werner now that it's apparent that the Allies are winning and Germany is in retreat.

Great suspenseful chapter. I enjoyed it very much. emoticon
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Re: In Love and in War


XXVII

1945 came quietly enough. It seemed the town of Verdun waited with baited breath for the eventual collapse of the Nazi empire, but Adele had ceased breathing months ago. She lived life as one that goes through the motions of living – breathing because she had to.

She thought of Werner as her past now as she had not heard from him in nearly 8 months. Letting go of the hope she had once held onto was the hardest part for her, and not one she did willingly. There were a lot of sleepless nights and tears shed over his loss, and while she would never admit it to herself, she believed something had happened to him. Part of her felt it was easier to believe the story she sometimes allowed herself to believe: that he had gone back with Greta and they were living happily ever after. It was easier for her to believe that betrayal of her feelings than the thought of his death.

She was grateful for the dogs to keep her company, as well as her cousin Sarah and her husband Raymond, with whom she had become very close. They were the only family she had now. Jeanne kept in touch through her letters and was a good person to be able to confide in, but she felt sad at having lost her brother over her past relationship with Werner.

Once again, Adele felt that her life had changed and that it had been thrust upon her rather than of her own making. It was a bitter pill to swallow, the hardest one yet, but she was not willing to look back at her life with Thomas and invite him back in. Whatever future happiness she had imagined had been with Werner, and now that he was gone, all of her hope for true happiness had died with him.


Adele had a dream about Werner the night before the war ended. She dreamt that she was walking down a deserted road. She could see something in the distance, far away, but it looked more like a mirage than anything she could make out. Was it a building? Was it a tower? What was it? She strained to look at it but could not make it out as the sun was too hot and the haze would not allow the view to focus enough. In her dream she remembered looking back behind her, seeing her house in ruins, as if it had been bombed. She felt sad but she wasn’t shocked to see it that way and she didn’t cry. She was in a white dress – was it a nightdress? The material was so thin that she felt almost as if it was see-through. Was it a shroud? Was she dead? Had she died in the house? When she looked back in the direction of the mirage-like building in the distance, she saw a man standing far away, and while she could not make out his features she knew it was Werner. She wanted to move forward but she felt as though her feet were stuck in the ground. When she looked down, she saw that she was wearing white high heeled shoes but they were stuck in the mud. She called out for Werner to help her but he did not approach, and that is when she started to cry in her dream.

She woke up.

There were tears on her face and she openly wept as she laid on her side in the bed that he once slept in. The dogs reacted beside her by pawing at her arm, but she would not be consoled. She could not see any other meaning in the dream other than Werner was dead and she was stuck where she was, in the horrible present, and she could not look to her past or move forward.

It left her feeling empty and she cried tears to release the pain this emptiness brought her. While she had cried many time before over the past year, this was the first real dream of Werner that she had had and she felt it was an ill omen. She got out of bed that day with the feeling that he must be dead. She also came to the conclusion that she was going to sell the house. While she had thought of it many times over the past year, it was now something she knew she had to do.


The day after her dream was the day the war officially ended in Europe. It was a day that should have made her feel happiness and she had to pretend when she saw Sarah and Raymond that she felt that way. The whole town of Verdun was in celebration mode but Adele could not partake in it. It’s not that she wasn’t happy that the war was over, but it was a reminder to her that this was the day she had longed for as the start of her life with Werner but now that was no longer a reality. This was the day that should have brought the reality of her hopes to light.


A few days after VE-Day, Adele travelled to Paris. She left the dogs with Sarah and Raymond, and travelled by car to the city. She had learned how to drive with Raymond, and she had bought herself a small car – a red Peugeot. It took three hours to get there but she enjoyed the time to prepare what she was going to say to her brother once she got there. She had not told him or Jeanne she was going as she didn’t want to give him a chance to avoid her.

Her arrival at Edmund’s store that afternoon had the effect she wanted. He was unable to run away and looked more than surprised to see her when she walked in. He stopped what he was doing, which was showing a customer some cloth, and after leaving it with a clerk he came over to her.

“Adele, what are you doing here?” he asked. He didn’t sound angry, just more shocked.
“I felt like going for a walk in Paris.”
“But where are your things?”
“They’re in the car.”
“You didn’t take a taxi, did you?”
“No, I drove myself.”
“Since when?”
“There have been a lot of things happening since we last spoke.”

She said this with a look on her face that made him give her a guilty look in return. He finished what he had to do in the shop and then went with her for a walk down the street outside the shop where there were lots of shoppers and leisure walkers. Adele could not help but feel infected by the mood of the people around her, and while she wasn’t exactly happy, she was a bit relieved to see her brother look somewhat contrite for his previous behaviour and words. It gave her confidence to speak her mind.

“You didn’t let me know you were coming.”
“I wanted to surprise you.”
“You did.”
“I didn’t want to give you a chance to run away or avoid me.”

He looked at her when she said this.

“Why would I do that?”
“I think you know why.”
“I’m not in the habit of running away from things.”
“You did last summer.”
“I was angry.”
“You didn’t even write or call.”
“Jeanne let me know how you were when I asked.”
“You didn’t care that the Germans were in Verdun, giving us a hell of a fight.”
“You seemed to be quite fine with the Germans around.”

His words were meant to sting her but they were said with less cruelty than she was expecting. In fact, he was less on guard than she thought he would be, though he still had a bit of a wall up.

“Thomas cared enough to come back.”

Edmund looked very surprised to hear this.

“And?”
“He told me everything”, Adele said. “He told me how he was with another woman and that he thought the child was his but wasn’t, so he left.”
“That must be why I couldn’t reach him”, Edmund said, speaking his thoughts out loud.
“He also wanted to see if we could get back together.”
Edmund gave out a bit of a laugh when she said this.
“I think he was sincere…but I told him it was too late. We came to an understanding and he signed the divorce papers.”
“So it’s official?” he asked her.
“Yes, as of two months ago it’s as if the whole thing never happened, and it never should have. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you when you tried to warn me.”
“It wasn’t that Thomas was a bad guy, it’s just I knew how he was. He was a lot like me, actually. He always had a difficult time keeping it in his pants.”

Adele paused when he said this, but then asked:
“Why didn’t you tell me about what was going on with him? You were in touch.”
“I only knew bits and pieces…and besides, what good would it have done had you known the truth? I was trying to protect you, just like I was from that German.”

She looked at him, knowing the words were sincere, but was surprised to hear him continue.

“You don’t think that I knew?”
“What are you talking about?”
“About the German. I had a hunch, you know, that time a few summers ago when Jeanne and I came to visit after you got sick.”
“How?”
“By the way you spoke about him, praising him for being this great gentleman-“
“I never praised him”, she cut him off.
“Well maybe it was more what he said to me.”
“What was that?”
“Do you remember when you came out to find me talking to him? I thanked him for taking care of you when you were sick.”
“Yes, I remember.”
“I also warned him to stay away. I wanted to threaten him but I thought it would be foolish, seeing as he had the upper hand. He told me that he had the utmost respect for you and cared as much about your safety as I did. I don’t know what it was but something didn’t seem right about the way he said that, and deep down I knew he was in love with you…of course I had no idea that you felt the same way about him.”
“Why didn’t you try to protect me if you thought I was in harm’s way?”
“I’ve been asking myself that for the better part of the year. Maybe it’s because I could see in his eyes that he was sincere and that he did care for you.”

Adele hesitated before she said the next thing, but said it anyway.

“So you saw something you could trust?”
“I don’t know if trust is the word I would use but I guess I got a good feeling about him. He didn’t seem like other Germans.”
“He wasn’t.”

She sat down at this point as there was an empty bench. The sun was going down so the heat wasn’t as oppressive as it had been earlier, but now a light breeze helped to clear the air. She felt the air being cleared between them as well.

“So who taught you to drive?” he asked as he sat down beside her.
“Raymond.”
“And who helped you with the car?”
“No one. I went to Nancy and bought it myself, then drove it home.”
“It’s a fancy car…a little too fancy for your first.”
“Life is short so why not enjoy it.”

Edmund leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees, hands folded. She saw how his body language looked uncomfortable the whole time they spoke.

“The war’s finally over.”
“Yes, it is.”
“You don’t sound happy.”
“Of course I’m happy. I’m glad that people’s lives don’t have to be destroyed over silly borders. I’m glad that Hitler is dead.”
“What about –“
“I think he’s dead, too. I’ve not heard from him in nearly a year.”

Edmund looked at her.

The way she had said that to her brother was almost nonchalant, but when he looked at her he could see tears in her eyes.

“I’m sorry.”
“I thought you’d be happy to hear it.”
“Not exactly.”
“Ironic, isn’t it? The man I love is likely dead and the one I’ve hated for so long is alive and well, at least he was the last time I saw him.”

Edmund put his hand over hers, the first kind gesture she had received from him in a long time. She felt the tears falling from her eyes but her face remained stoic and she did not look at him. He reached into his pocket and passed her a handkerchief.

“I really am sorry that this has all turned out so shitty for you. I’ve only wanted the best for my little sister.”
“I know.”


She wiped the tears from her eyes and composed herself.

“What will you do?”
“What I’ve always done…go on with life. I have no choice. It’s what Werner asked me to do if something happened to him.”
“Are you certain? How do you know?”
“I don’t know for sure…it’s not like I have any way of knowing. It’s just I’ve not heard from him in a really long time and”, her voice trailed off momentarily, “it’s just a feeling I’ve had for a while…call it woman’s intuition.”

They decided to continue walking until they found a café they decided to have a drink at.

“So you decided to come all the way to Paris for a walk?”
“I needed a walk after the long drive”, she said smiling. “Also, I wanted to let you know that I’m planning on selling the house.”
Edmund looked at her, seeming happy to hear this.
“And move here?”
“I don’t know where. I was thinking more north. I was looking through dad’s things and saw that he spent some time in the Somme region and thought it might be nice to settle there.”
“I thought you wanted to come here?”
“I did but that was before.”

She thought of her time with Werner in Paris and while the thoughts made her happy, they also made her sad. She did not regret making love to him and enjoying the exploration of one another. It had been the first time she had given both her body and her heart to a man.

“I don’t want you to sell the house. I’d like to keep it in the family and use it as a summer house.”
“I don’t mind that but I was hoping to use the money to start somewhere else.”
“I can give you money.”
“I don’t want to take your money.”
“Then I’ll buy the house off you.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“The house is in your name.”
“But it was left to you”, Adele said. “You gave it to me. I can’t sell you what you gave to me.”
“Then let me give you some money to help you start new somewhere else….when do you plan to leave?”
“This summer, once things settle down.”
“Are you sure it’s what you want?”
“Yes…there’s nothing holding me in Verdun anymore.”


Adele stayed for three days in Paris. One night she took a stroll near the Eiffel Tower and remembered her time there with Werner. Gone were the German uniforms from the streets and it was funny how a sight that had become so commonplace was now easily forgotten. It was as if the whole world wanted to move on from the war and forget its existence. France especially wanted to forget that the Germans had ever been there because it was now seen as a shameful thing that the country had fallen so easily. However, France clung to the role the Resistance fighters had played in making the Nazi presence there as uncomfortable as possible. No doubt Thomas would be feeling like a hero.

She left Paris with the news that her sister-in-law Jeanne was expecting her second child and Adele could not be happier to learn this news. She left Paris with a sense of joy at this news, but also a sense of sadness at the fact that leaving the city behind also meant leaving her pleasant memories of Werner behind. The last time she had left this city she had been so full of hope for the future; now she was leaving with the knowledge that there was a long line of tomorrows in front of her and that none of them would bring her that kind of happiness or hope ever again.


Last edited by OrlilLicious, 7/14/2018, 3:30 am
7/14/2018, 3:28 am Link to this post Send Email to OrlilLicious   Send PM to OrlilLicious
 
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Re: In Love and in War


Short and sweet like you said, but not so sweet in tone. Poor Adele is in limbo, but she feels as if the chapter in her life with Werner has closed and she needs to begin the next phase of her existence. She has no joy left in her world but it would seem she can smile and be happy for Jeanne and Edmund's news of a second child coming soon. I believe that she is willing at this point to just move out of Verdun and go somewhere, anywhere that she's as anonymous as she feels she is to herself. I can sympathize that she feels half of her is gone by thinking Werner's dead and that her one chance at true love and happiness has died with him. While she's done a few things to claim some independence (Driving? Little red Peugeot? LOL), she feels bound to her non-existence existence--going through the motions but not letting her heart awaken from its slumber in her chest.

It was good of her to go to Paris and see if Edmund was willing to make amends. Adele needed to clear the air with her brother and know one way or the other how things were between them. At least she got an offer from him on the Verdun house so she can make a new start. It would seem as if they had a good visit and when she left it was on very good terms, if not exactly the loving relationship they'd had before. I also think she had to see Paris one last time and remember with fondness her days and nights with Werner before she embarked on whatever lay ahead for her in another part of France.

Edmund's attitude was softer toward Adele than she expected. She learned from her brother that he'd suspected by the caring tone Werner had used that day in the Verdun house's front yard that Werner had fallen in love with her. I'm sure he (as a staunch Frenchman) never expected his sister had also fallen in love, and that was what had stung him the most. But they do seem to have mended fences between them and while their relationship may not be as close as it had been before, they won't have to be on guard with one another at any future visits together. In the end, family is important to them both.

With the war over and France experiencing freedom again after a very long time of occupation, new beginnings seem to be on Adele's mind. Just like her homeland, she wants to forget the bitter past and try to move on, forging a future that is adequate if not ideal. But I feel as if Adele will never be free of the ghosts of her past (both happy and sad) that haunt her dreams until she fully lets go of her hope of reuniting with Werner. Her grief over the loss of his love and her first experience of true love will have to wane, and time will accomplish that, but something tells me the moment she lets go she will get the surprise of her young life. (Hint: insert happy ending here!)

So glad I decided to read this tonight. I have more to say but will address those thoughts in an email. Good job! emoticon
7/14/2018, 6:02 am Link to this post Send Email to Pambi   Send PM to Pambi
 
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Re: In Love and in War


XXVIII


In July, Adele had another dream about Werner, more strongly than the first she had had in May. This time she was standing in a cemetery, looking for his grave. She was wearing the same white dress that she had worn in the last dream, as well as the same white heeled shoes. While this time she was able to walk, she felt as if she were floating. Was she dead? Was it her grave she was looking for? Why was she looking for his grave when she was the one who seemed dead?

When she woke up she felt the emptiness all the more prominent. She felt the dream was confirmation that he was dead and she took it as such. It wasn’t so much of a shock to her as she had felt this way for some time, but more and more she was accepting it and that was a whole different thing.

That day she did something she never thought she would do, and if seen she would likely be viewed as a traitor: she visited a German war cemetery. She was sad to see that parts of it had been vandalized as she thought the war dead from all sides deserved respect. The cemetery had been started in the 1920s and had been maintained by the German government ever since, but now it was becoming overgrown as the war that had just ended prevented any upkeep the Germans may have tried to do. No one was thinking of the war of 1914-1918 when the last war had just ended.

She went there with flowers in hand. As in her dream, she walked through the rows of graves. It took her about 20 minutes to find the one she was looking for but she did not give up: her patience was rewarded when she found the black piece of marble stone, cut into the shape of a cross, with the name Erich von Ebrannac. This was Werner’s father’s grave.

She was frozen in front of it for some time before she knelt down to put the flowers on the grave. It was then that she started to cry.

This was as close as it would get for her.

She was here because she knew that she would never get the opportunity to see Werner’s resting place and she would never have that sense of closer that all people must have after the death of someone close to them. She thought that perhaps in her dream she could not find his grave because he did not have a proper burial and this thought made her ache inside all the more.

She remembered that Werner had told her he and his mother came to Verdun when he was a teenager to pay his respects to his father, who had died on the battlefields near the area. He, like her own father, had fought at Verdun. He had died during the war where it had taken her father a bit longer to succumb to his injuries, but he eventually did.

How she wished that Werner was standing there and it was almost as if she could feel his presence with her now. She closed her eyes and felt the cool breeze on her face as night had nearly fallen and the air had cooled. She came so late because she did not want to be seen, even though the cemetery was on the outskirts of the area.

She knew as she sat there that the flowers were a symbolic gesture that she was saying goodbye to Werner. Just like the flowers would die in a few days, her hope would die as she left the area of Verdun for good. But it was something she knew she had to do if she was ever going to go on living, as tattered as that life might be.

Next month she would be leaving for Amiens, the town she decided to move to. The only item she wished to bring with her was the piano, and Edmund would arrange for that to be sent to her by a moving truck. Everything else she was going to fit in the car: her clothes, pictures, items of sentimental value, and of course the dogs. As she was going through things over the course of the last few months, packing what she wanted to take with her, she would often become emotional. She hadn’t realized that leaving the home she had been born in, and grew up in, would be quite as difficult as it was. She began to play the piano more, as if she could hear her parents asking her to so that they could hear her before she planned to leave.

She was glad that Edmund had talked her out of selling as she didn’t think she could leave it to a stranger. It held too many memories and perhaps even ghosts – friendly ones of course. She thought of how this would be a good place to meet up with her family at Christmas and even the summer and it would keep the connection close.



One night, about two weeks before Adele was set to leave Verdun, Sarah came in the kitchen with a bottle of wine. The dogs greeted her at the door and ran inside, excited to see a visitor.

“They seem happier than you do to see your cousin”, Sarah said to her after Adele had given her a look.
“I’m happy to see you, but did you have to bring such a large bottle of wine?”

Sarah smiled.

“We don’t have to drink it all.”
“But you know we will.”

Adele placed it on the table.

“Where’s Raymond?”
“I wanted to come alone.”
“Sounds secretive.”
“No, I just wanted some time with my cousin. I’m going to miss you when you go.”
“I won’t be that far…only four hours by car.”
“I know, but you won’t be down the road any more. I just can’t pop in when I want to sneak out a bottle of wine.”
“The telephones will be up and running soon now that the war is over. We can talk on the phone.”
“It won’t be the same”, Sarah said sitting down.
“I know.”
“Aren’t you going to miss us?”
“Of course I’ll miss you. I’ll miss Verdun. I’ll miss this house. But I’ll be back a few times a year to visit.”
“And it’ll be here for you if you decide to come back.”
“Yes, Edmund has said that. It’s nice to know that I have a place to come to if my plans fall through in Amiens.”
“The shop, you mean?”
“Yes, and just starting new.”

The two women poured their first glass of wine and in no time they were on their third. Strangely, Adele did not feel the effects hit her too hard but knew that it had gone to Sarah’s head a bit quicker.

“I know why you’re really leaving”, Sarah said to her.
“Why?”
“Because of him.”

Adele smiled.

“Thomas is the last reason why I want to leave.”
“I wasn’t talking about Thomas.”

Adele looked at her and saw that the wine had made Sarah bold. She wondered how she knew and if she was referring to Werner. She decided that she had held up her pretences long enough and now that he was in her past, she had no reason to hide her feelings.

“What’s wrong?” Sarah asked.
“I didn’t expect to be talking about this with you.”
“I didn’t expect to bring it up. That’s what the wine was for”, Sarah said, holding up her nearly empty glass. “For what it’s worth, I’m not judging you.”
“Everyone else would.”
“But he loved you. That much was clear to me. The way he held you in his arms and cared for you when you were sick. I know he tried to hide it but a woman can see when a man loves another woman.”
“You’re not the first to say that to me.”
“He was also very handsome.”
“You’re not the first to say that to me either.”
“Who else noticed all this?”
“Jeanne…and strangely enough, my brother.”
“Are you going to tell me what happened?”
“I fell in love with a German, that’s all.”

Sarah smiled and she couldn’t help but return it, though the sadness was there in her eyes. She told her cousin everything and didn’t mind doing so. It felt cathartic to get it all out in the open, especially with her cousin who had been so close for all that time and with whom she could not confide.

By the time Sarah left that night she knew just about everything that had passed between Adele and Werner, minus some of the most intimate things. She wanted her cousin to know that it wasn’t the reason why she was leaving Verdun, but rather she felt that other than the memory of her parents, she felt nothing holding her there; her marriage was dead and her brief love affair with the only man she ever loved was dead.


The wine caused her to go to bed early that night. The dogs curled up with her on the bed and it helped her not to feel so alone. Though the wine had gone to her head she found she could not sleep well. She kept waking up, and there was a certain point where she had to get up and go downstairs for a drink. It wasn’t overly hot in the house so she wasn’t sure why she felt this way, but the dogs too seemed to be a bit uneasy as they followed her down the stairs, then back up and laid on the bed giving her doggy eyes. She pet the mother dog on the head.

“Thank you”, she said to her, knowing that it was partly the dog that had brought her and Werner to the point where they were ready to show their feelings. She remembered the night of the storm and how he had accidently hit the dog with the car, bringing her to the house in tears for fear he had done permanent damage to her. What made her realize she loved him that night was the kindness and compassion she saw in him. The thought made her sad but also made her smile. She kissed the dogs on the head and then laid back down, closing her eyes to see Werner’s face before she finally fell to sleep.


The next day the skies threatened with rain as the winds were steady and the grey clouds rolled by. It had been like that all morning so Adele decided to try to get some outside work done, such as the securing of some of the plants in the garden, as she was worried they might perish in the impending storm. She covered some of the more vulnerable ones with a plastic cover and when it finally started to rain, she and the dogs ran inside for cover. She watched the storm with a cup of coffee in hand, looking out the window from the chair.

The dogs were a bit restless during the storm as they usually were during unsteady weather. They stayed close by her and each other, and she did her best to comfort them. She was happy to see once it passed as it would relieve their anxieties and she could go back outside. Once she did, she saw the sun coming out through the clouds. She didn’t know why but she felt like crying.

The dogs did not fully settle, even after it was all over. The mother dog was more anxious and the younger one, her puppy, was just behaving like her mother and following her around the yard and house. Adele whistled a few times for them to come to her, but it wasn’t until she heard one of them howling that she sort of became alarmed as this was not something she had ever heard them do.

She got up and walked around the house where she heard them. She whistled, she called them, but they did not listen. When she reached the front, they were off in the distance, near the fence at the one side of the property, and the mother dog was the one howling. She was looking at them as she started walking down the path, trying to call them off. As the gate was nearly six feet tall she could not see beyond it and thought that perhaps there was another animal on the other side that she could not see but they could smell. The mother dog was particular anxious and when she got to the gate, she hesitated to open it in case there was another animal there and it would cause a fight. She called the dogs off and they submitted to her, so she opened it cautiously, looking down to see if an animal was there or perhaps in the trees that lined either side of the long winding pathway.

At first she didn’t notice the figure walking near the end of the path that led to her house. The trees made it somewhat dark and she didn’t see as the man came closer and closer. When she did see him, she froze. The mother dog went darting past her legs and through the gate to run to the figure in the distance.

Adele wanted to run too, but felt herself frozen where she was. Then, as in her dream, she found herself looking back at her house but it was not in rubble as it had been in her sleep. The feeling she had experienced in her dream returned to her and she felt goosebumps forming on her arms. She was almost afraid to look back, lest it might not be him, but the emotions got the best of her and she turned her head to see if she could get a clearer image of the man as he approached.

When she did she knew it was Werner. The dog was dancing at his feet as he knelt down to pet her. Adele could not clearly see his face so she began to walk to where he was. Unlike in her dream, she was choosing her own movements and she all of a sudden felt the need to speed up. In those moments she hardly thought; the only thing she could feel was the breath going in and out of her lungs.

As she got closer she could see his face and now that she was almost near him, every fibre of her being knew it was Werner: he was alive and he was here. He stood up when he saw her and the dog continued to dance around his feet, whining at the sight of him. Werner’s brows furrowed as he had a difficult time containing his emotions but his eyes did not leave hers.

She didn’t realize it but her one hand was covering her mouth in shock, while the other covered her chest to stop her heart from beating so hard. She felt breathless and didn’t know she was crying. There were a million words on the tip of her tongue but all she could manage was:

“You’re alive.”
“Yes”, he said in an emotional tone.
“You’re alive. I’m not dreaming?”

He could see she was in a state of shock. The only thing he could do was open up his arms to her, realizing that so much time had passed and things could have changed that she might no longer be his. The thought pained him and he hoped she would come to him willingly.

When she saw the gesture, she rushed over and threw her arms around his shoulders and started to weep. The pain that had been a part of her for so long was slowly draining from her body, being released at the feel of his arms around her. They both cried and he was relieved when he felt her squeezing him tightly. He held on to her as tightly as she held on to him.

She didn’t know how he was here but she wasn’t going to ask. All she cared about was that he was alive and he was holding her. Her tears of pain turned into tears of joy as she continued to weep out the sadness.

“I’ve missed you so much. You’re not angry with me?” he asked her, his face buried in the crook of her neck.
“Angry?” she said, finally taking the opportunity to look at his face. “Angry? How could I ever be angry with you? I thought you were dead.”
“Oh Adele”, he said, pulling her close to him again. They stood there for the longest time, hugging, and it was with heavy feet that they walked to the house together, their arms around each other, her head resting on his chest. She clung to him and feared closing her eyes, lest it should be a dream.

The dogs followed them inside the house and Werner laughed when he saw how excited they were and he had to reach down and pet them both again after he put his suitcase down.

“Is this the puppy you told me about?”
“Yes”, she said.
“She’s full grown now.”
 “Yes.”

Werner looked up at Adele as he remained kneeling with the dogs and when he saw that she was overcome with emotion, he got back up and took her hands in his.

“We should sit down and talk.”
“Yes”, she said again, unable to utter more than the one syllable. She was trembling and the truth was that he was also unsteady on his feet – unsteady with the weight of emotions they were both feeling. She kept looking at him, wondering if his beautiful face was for real. She even reached out to touch him. She felt like she was in a dream and he was a mirage. When she touched him she still didn’t believe it.

When they walked into the parlour, she noticed how he looked around, admiring everything as if he thought he would never see it again. She saw how he wore a brown suit and looked thinner, somehow paler than usual. She walked over to him as he touched the piano and grabbed his hands in hers.

“Adele, I never thought I would see this room, or see your face, again. I’m so overwhelmed with emotions that I can’t articulate how I feel right now.”
“That’s okay.”

She watched as he sat down at the piano and placed his fingers on the keys without pressing down on them. She sat beside him on the bench, putting her hand on his face to see if he was real. His eyes had been closed and they did not speak for a few minutes. She rested her head on his chest again and listening to him breathing.

“I will think this a dream tomorrow”, she said.
“So will I.”
“Talk to me. Tell me that you’re here and you’re not leaving again. Tell me what’s happened to you.” She lifted her eyes to look at him. “I want to know everything.”
“Yes, but first”, he said, taking her hand. “First I need to make love to you.”

With his hand he cupped her face and kissed her. She had no power to resist him, nor did she want to. He was all that she wanted and needed right now and she could not express with words what she was about to express with her body.

He led her by the hand upstairs. They walked slowly - though their bodies were anxious, their hearts were still heavy. Adele felt as if she was in a dream and looked at him the entire time they ascended, admiring every part of him. She would remember this moment in years to come, when they had their first child as a result of this very afternoon.

They went upstairs to his old room and it was only right that he should undress her and she undress him. They did so with tears in their eyes the whole time but with an eagerness that neither of them had known before. They were almost like young lovers, exploring for the first time, in wonder of each other’s bodies as if they had not known the pleasures of the flesh before. Adele opened herself up to him in so many ways that she felt like this had been the first time. She denied him nothing and let him do what he wanted with her, which was exactly what she wanted him to do. Once was not enough, either; they had to enjoy each other several times before they finally collapsed in one another’s arms.

Neither of them could talk, too tired to remain awake for long. Their separation and subsequent pain at the thought of death had exhausted them both, but their love making was their way of reminding each other that they were alive.

Adele was the first to wake up. Time was irrelevant as she didn’t know how long they had slept for. The sun was going down and the wind had picked up again. She got up to close the window as the curtains were fluttering, but his voice stopped her.

“Leave them. Come here.”

She obeyed and walked over to the bed, laying back down.

“I’m sorry if I woke you.”
“I’m glad. Now we have a chance to talk. I have so much to tell you.”
“Start from the beginning.”

Werner told her how he had tried to write to her, but when the D-Day landings had happened, he was forced to leave the area due to heavy bombing. He was moved around from area to area, trying to avoid the inevitable invasion that was coming and the eventual collapse of the Nazi empire.

“I was happy when I knew it was going to be all over. I tried to write and I did, but I think there was a point were letters stopped getting through. When was the last time you got a letter?”
“April, 1944.”
“I sent them for a few months after that.”
“You don’t have to explain any of that to me. I know you would have tried. What happened afterwards?”

Werner then told her what she wasn’t expecting to hear: that he had been taken as a temporary prisoner of war by the Russians, but that luckily he fell into British hands. He left out the parts about suffering but from the way he spoke she knew that he must have, which was partly why he looked thinner than usual. She pretended not to noticed, though, as she didn’t want him to have to relive any of that for her.

She kissed him on the shoulder.

“You’re alive…you’re here…and that’s all that matters.”

He pulled her into his arms and held her and they spent the rest of the night in each other’s arms.



The next day, Adele and Werner went for a long walk with the dogs. It was dusk as they walked through the fields, not a soul in sight but for the two dogs that were never far behind.

“I’m glad you didn’t sell the house. It’s beautiful here. Very peaceful. It’s hard to imagine a time when it wasn’t.”
“Our parents would remember that time”, Adele said.
“Before I came here, I got the taxi to stop at the cemetery so I could visit my father’s grave. Someone left flowers there”, he said, looking down at her.
“Yes. I imagine they’re dead now.”
“You did that because you thought I was dead, too.”
“I didn’t want to believe that. I stopped myself from feeling that way for a long time, but I guess I came to an acceptance.”
“I don’t blame you”, he said, taking her in his arms for a few moments to hold her. The tall wheat swayed around them as they stood in the embrace. The wind moved through their hair, through their clothes, but not through each other as they held on tightly. She closed her eyes and inhaled his living scent. In the distance they made such a romantic silhouette.

“Part of me thought I might come back to find you with Thomas.”

She looked up at him, his arms still around her.

“No. That would never happen, regardless of what happened with us.”
“I feared it, that’s all. I feared I would be interrupting your life.”
“You did interrupt my life once upon a time”, she said, a sweet but dreamy smile on her lips. He looked down and smiled in return.
“Am I interrupting your life now?”
“No, you’re continuing it.”

His smiled again but his eyes were serious, as were hers.

“He did come back. I didn’t want him to stay.”
“He did? When?”
“Right around Christmas last year. He told me a lot of things that he did, but he was hoping that we could somehow move on together. I told him it was too late. I told him I had met someone else.”
“That was very brave of you.”
“We came to some realizations that I’ll tell you about some day. For now, I want you to know that legally I’m a free woman.”
“Free to be mine”, he said, hugging her again, happy to hear this.

They continued to walk as the sun was setting on the free French fields.

“And you were going to start new somewhere else?”
“A fresh start.”
“I’m glad you wanted to continue with life, however painful it was.”
“I was in agony over you, Werner. I thought you were dead. I thought leaving would bring me some sense of relief.”

He turned to look at her.

“Waiting for the moment to see your face again was all I could do to want to survive. It didn’t matter what the Russians did to me, I was willing to endure it for you. I wanted to see you again.”

She looked at him, her eyes innocent of what he witnessed and endured and part of him did not want to spoil that. There were tears in her eyes.

“Maybe you’ll tell me when you’re ready.”
“I don’t want to do that. I once told you that you were the most innocent, pure woman I’d ever met and I want to keep it that way.”
“You’ve read me all wrong”, she said, trying to lighten the mood. “I’m actually quite the mischievous one.”
“I know that too”, he said, holding her hand and continuing to walk through the wheat field with her. “And I love every part of you…that’s why I told Greta long ago that she would never make me happy. I didn’t know until I met you that I could have everything without compromising on my happiness.”
"But you were going to marry her."
"I didn't know you were waiting for me..."

He stopped again and she did the same. He turned to her, though seemingly hesitant to say the next words.

“I have some questions to ask you.”
“The answer is yes to all of them.”

He smiled but there was a serious look on his face, a nervousness that made her take notice.

“You know I never wanted to be part of this war. I was following in my family’s military tradition when I was recruited, not so much enlisted. Men like me, of higher social status, had very little choice in the matter you see.”

Adele listened.

“I guess I’m trying to apologize to you”
“There’s no need”, she said, giving him a look that told him how much she loved him without actually saying the words. “What do you have to apologize for?”
“Because I don’t want you to think you’re going to spend the rest of your life with a monster. I don’t want to always be the enemy in your eyes.”

Her face became serious and she felt saddened to hear him say this.

“I don’t feel that way now and I never will.”
“What about how others will see us?”
“We’ll go someplace where no one knows us.”

Werner paused, then took her hands in his.

“I’m glad to hear you say that because that’s my first question to you.”
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“You know I was a high ranking official. I was very good at my job and the paperwork. It seems that my freedom was purchased for that very reason.”
“How so?” she asked, thinking about what he had already told her.
“I told you I was a prisoner of war with the Russians, for five months…”
“Yes.”
“The British bought my freedom, essentially, is how I see it. They bought the freedom of many high ranking officials, as I’m told the Americans also have done.”
“So what does that mean?” she asked, wanting to understand what he was trying to tell her. “Why would they do that?”

Once again, he seemed a bit hesitant to go on but did.

“It means the British and Americans want good officials to work for them now.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’m not exactly sure myself what it means. All I know, as it was explained to me, is that I will be part of the British government’s agencies working on defeating the Soviets.”
“But we’re not at war with Russia. They were our allies during the war”, Adele said, in reference to France.
“They’re not your allies now”, Werner said, an ominous tone in his voice. “It’s a very long story but one we can discuss in more depth later. I haven’t even gotten to my question yet.”

As Adele continued to walk, she wondered what it all meant and felt confused. If the British had bought his freedom and wanted him to work for them, why was he here with her?

“Would you be willing to come with me?”
“Where?’ she asked.
“London.”

Adele was wide-eyed and not expecting him to say that.

Could you come with me? I know your life is here, in France, and I would hate to uproot you”, he said, feeling a sense of desperation when he could see she was walking without looking at him, clearly shocked to hear him saying all of this. “I’m being given an apartment there. I’ll be working for the British government. You can still do your piano lessons, except with English children, or maybe you could start a French school…or you can open a French clothing shop in London…whatever will make you happy.”

She stopped and he stopped too. She seemed to be confused and pondering all of this.

“I know London is far away, you don’t know the language, but you can learn. I know a little but I will learn too. It’ll be a fresh start, for both of us.”
“It's very far”, she said, her first words since he had asked her to move with him. He felt slightly discouraged to hear her tone, but then she added: “But I’d go anywhere with you.”

When he heard her say this he smiled, bringing her into his arms. She was crying.

“I don’t care where I am as long as it’s with you.”
“And we will still be close to France. You can come back to visit your family.”
“We will come back together”, she said, looking up at him, tears on her cheeks. “As husband and wife.”
“You’re beating me to my second question.”
“You don’t even need to ask it.”
“But I do. I’ve been rehearsing this moment for the better part of a year. It’s what kept me alive those five months in the prisoner camp.”

She looked at him and watched as he got on his one knee, in the middle of the wheat field. She wiped the tears away from her face as she wanted to see this moment clearly. When the wind picked up and the wheat started to brush him on the face, she laughed and so did he. He brushed them away and pulled out the ring from his pocket.

He opened the box and held out the ring.

“Adele, I want you to be the woman I go to bed with every night, and the woman I wake up with every morning. I don’t want to ever spend another day without you. I’ve been to hell and back and I know what heaven is: it’s with you…will you marry me?”

She promised herself she would cry but it was too late. The emotions could not be held in check and she put her hand on his cheek, looking down at him.

“Yes, because I refuse to live another day without you too.”

Having the ring on her finger, being in his arms, having heard the question and answered in the affirmative, were all just formalities to her: she had already been his long ago.


Later on, back at the house that evening, as they had just finished dinner and feeding the dogs, Adele heard Werner playing the piano as she tidied up the kitchen. She stopped what she was doing and went into the parlour where she saw him from behind, playing Bach’s prelude. She stood in the doorway, arms folded and leaning against the wall and was content just to listen.

She looked at him and remembered the first time she had ever played for him, and how that night had been the first brick of their wall to come down. She thought how that had been over two years ago and so much had happened and changed, but one thing had not: her growing love for this man who was playing for her now. She wondered at how all of this could happen but did not question it. She knew that if the ghosts of her parents could be there with her now, they would accept her choice.

It felt as if the old wounds in Verdun, at least in her own heart, were now healed. She felt free to leave this place, no longer held prisoner by the sadness and death that once inhabited the house. She was free – free for the first time in her life.

Werner looked back and saw her standing there.

“I knew you were there.”
“You were playing for me.”
“Come here”, he said, motioning for her to join him on the bench. He left space for her to sit between his legs, and as she did so he put his arms close to her sides as he placed them on the piano. He rested his head on her shoulder and played the song from the sheet music, the one he had left for her before he left.

She sat there, closed her eyes, and felt his body against hers as he played. The last time she heard it was when he had played it for her before he left.

“I remember”, she said. “You did not finish it.”
“I told you we would finish it when I return.”
“Yes, I remember that too.”
“We have a lot yet left to do.”

She smiled.

“Before I came to the house yesterday, I also made another stop, other than the one to the German war cemetery to visit my father.”
“Where did you go?”
“I went to see your parent’s graves.”

She turned so that her face could look at him. She was surprised to hear him say this.

“You did?”
“I know this may sound silly, but I asked for their permission to marry their daughter…I’m hoping they would say yes if they could answer me.”
“I was just thinking about my parents…and I think they would. They always supported me in my happiness.”
“Then I’m happy I did that.”
“I’m happy you did, too. It means you really do love me.”
“Did you ever doubt it?”
“No, I guess not…but you know how war changes things.”
“War brought me to you”, he said.
“It did”, she said, feeling as he rested his chin back on her shoulder and continued to play.
“The war is finished now”, he said.
“Yes.”
“And you and I will go on making music.”
“And babies”, she said.
He laughed.
“Those too. Lots of those.”


She watched his hands as he played for her. She did not realize that inside of her in that very moment, just like her life with Werner was just beginning, new life was forming inside of her. Their lives were intertwined now, a piece of music in the works; a composition in the making.




Postscript:

The wedding took place two weeks later, in Verdun. It was a small affair as they wanted it that way, but it was where they wanted to officially tie the knot. She had told her brother she felt that it was symbolic to be in Verdun, as the uniting of German and French blood could somehow show a small part of the world that in the end it was love that mattered and not hatred. Everyone was there that she hoped would be, including Edmund and Jeanne, as well as Sarah and Raymond. But most important of all was the fact that Werner’s mother Ava made the trip, as well as some of his own cousins and friends from Germany. For the two of them the small gathering was perfect, and in the end the only people that truly mattered was the two of them.

There was little time after the wedding to stay in Verdun and they left for London less than a week later. The only item she wanted was the piano, which her brother arranged to be sent to them. The dogs were of course going with them as they were special to their relationship, and were even in the church for the ceremony. Other than that, Adele took her clothes and personal effects and that was all she needed to start her new life.

Adele had never seen London, only in pictures, and had only ever read about it from the one friend she had that lived there. It wasn’t until she was physically there with Werner that she remembered a detail of her dream. Her first impressions were that it was the busiest city she had ever seen, and while parts of it had been bombed from the war, there were other parts that were simply stunning. As they rode in the car to their new home, Adele could not help but stare out the window.

“Even with all the rubble, it’s wonderful”, she said, holding Werner’s hand.
“We’re almost there”, he said.
“Where are we?” she asked.
“Westminster.”

Adele continued to look but then she saw what she had remembered from her dream, and grabbed Werner’s arm.

“Stop the car.”
“What’s the matter?”
“Stop before you go too far.”

He stopped, as she had asked him, when it was safe to do so as there were a lot of cars on the road. She got out of the car and he did as well, wondering what it was that had caught her attention.

She cupped her hand over her eyes as the haze of the late summer day partially blurred her view. She felt as Werner walked up behind her.

“What it is?”
“I dreamt of this.”
“Of being here in London?”
“Not exactly, but I remember seeing that”, she said, pointing in the near distance. They were on a bridge that went over the Thames, one of the bridges that remained from the bombings. “Months back I had a dream about it. I couldn’t really make it out but this is it, I’m sure.”
“What are you trying to show me?”
“It’s the tower, over there.”

He looked to see what she meant.

“You mean Big Ben?”
“Is that what it’s called?” she asked.
He put his arms around her waist.
“I saw it in my dream. You were in my dream, too.”
“And you’re in mine”, he said, kissing her on the cheek. “You’ll have to tell me about it later.”

He grabbed her by the hand.

“Now I know dreams come true.”
“Yes, they do”, he said. “Come, let’s go home.”
“Wherever you are is home”, she said, taking him by the hand and walking back to the car.

Before she got back in, she took one more glance at the Big Ben Tower.
“I can’t wait to see it up close”, she said as she got back in the car.
“We have a lot left to see in this wonderful city.”
“We do,”

And they drove off ahead, but not just to their new home, but to their new lives; their future.



Last edited by OrlilLicious, 7/16/2018, 2:18 am
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